What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
12.06.2025 13:36
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I waited trembling.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
What is the most memorable thing that happened in your college days?
When she asked me how she looked .
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Resilience spacecraft’s status after moon-landing attempt is unknown - CNN
(And it was in our own minds.)
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I couldn’t, believe it.
Trump tariffs expected to dampen global economic growth, OECD says - The Washington Post
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Do people really have sex with animals?
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Who then, do I blame.?
6 Foods You Should Be Eating for Bone Health, According to Dietitians - Yahoo
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
He resisted the act ,that day.
All the ways Apple TV boxes do—and mostly don’t—track you - Ars Technica
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I write beautiful poetry .
I will be 64.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
What are the defining characteristics of woke liberals and conservatives in the United States?
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
But, we were locked up after school.
Comes on , in middle age.
Super Again: UNC Storms Past Oklahoma in NCAA Regional Finale - 247Sports
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Geomagnetic storm could make northern lights visible in Chicago on Sunday night - Chicago Sun-Times
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
She married twice! .
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
So whats the point in blame.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
So, i spoilt her more .
As i do to all so called friends.?
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
But it wasn’t much.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
I was very sick at this time too.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Was to survive, this bastard.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Especially a lifetime of it.
This is soul school!.
We were not on the streets..
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
And i lived it daily.
What did i know ?
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
He knew the spot.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
But ive been too sick for many years..
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
They are buried together, in the same grave..
It was going to be , some day.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Would this be the day?
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
She was in good health!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Im still living with it.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I think the readers, may guess!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
My mum and dad in the seventies!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
She wouldn,t have been !
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
We all went to grammer schools
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I was 9 years of age.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I could never make a relationship work though!
My life is so biszare .
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
She loved him until the end.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Why did i forgive my father ?
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
All the time i was locked up.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I said to her
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Put me off passion for life!!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I was seconnd youngest,
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
My family never makes their pension either.
I don,t even have a pension.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I have no regrets .
Ive learnt so much.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
The only rule us 5 kids had .
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I never cut or harmed myself..
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
One cannot live in the past .
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I was scared of men, in general
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
She found it foreign!.